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I have to come clean about something, not because I want praise or a pat on the back or whatever – I want you to know that I am struggling with something that I know some of you may also be struggling with…. I yell at my kids. WAY. TOO. MUCH. And it makes me feel like garbage.
NOTE: this is the first of a series of F.I.V.E. (yes, five) posts about tactics/resources/a gameplan for yelling/raging less – sign up for my newsletter so you don’t miss one!
I shared this on my Instagram stories
a few weeks a month ago and I was absolutely blown away by your responses. So many of you are dealing with the same feelings of anger, frustration, guilt, and helplessness when it comes to parenting your children. If you think you’re the only one, here are some (anonymous) messages I received from other moms who yell. And I wanted to reach through the phone and say, YES! Me too! And then give them a hug and cheers them because we should NOT have to feel this way.
So many GOOD MOMS shared these stories and moments with me and I want you to also know that you are NOT alone! A little back-story on my anger as a mom…
It’s really no surprise that I don’t have a ton of patience with my kids. I’ve never been particularly nurturing, I have no special skills that arm me with infinite patience or dealing with young children. I have, honestly, always had a temper that I’m not proud of. On top of that, I’m an extroverted introvert, meaning I am social but I’m personally recharged by spending time by myself. And, as you know, being around young kids does not allow for much peace or time to recharge in silence.
So I’ve always had a short fuse, a quick temper, but when you compound that with three children who need you RIGHT NOW, plus a job to do, a husband to be a partner to, a household to maintain, a dog to care for, and about a million other things I know you also have on your list, it’s shorter. Stress is high, sleep is low… the motherhood job is demanding and unpaid and the stakes are SO high.
Any other job, I’d prep for. I’d study, I’d research, I’d do ongoing education. But this season of motherhood hasn’t been the same. Why not? With every other stage of raising children, I’ve done the work to make myself good at the job. Pregnancy, breastfeeding, baby-led weaning, baby sleep – I had it figured out by copious amounts of research. But I’m in a new era of motherhood and I need help.
I’m not trying to be a perfect mom – I know there is no such thing – but I don’t want my children to be left with sad memories of me yelling at them to be part of what’s left from their childhood.
I would never talk to anyone else the way that I talk to them sometimes, and that is just so unfair. Honestly, it’s embarrassing. Why would I ever treat my babies, the most precious souls in my life, with disrespect? I would cut someone if they yelled at my kids the way I’ve yelled at them. So what gives?
What if the way I speak to them sometimes becomes how they speak to themselves? I’ve heard that the way your kids talk to themselves is based on how you talk to them, and for that reason alone, I hope they only hear the positives. It makes me realize that I have to do a better job as a mom.
Is there any doubt I love my kids? Of course not. And I know that, despite a few bad minutes of a day, my kids love me too. We’re so lucky that littles give us so much grace, even when we might not deserve it.
It’s taken a long time – too long, maybe – for me to realize that I need to change MY behavior. But when I finally realized that I needed help – and was able to share it with all of you – I realized, and I want you to realize – is that you are NOT the only one who yells at your kids. You are NOT the only one who snaps at them when they whine about you cutting their sandwich incorrectly (the horror!). You are NOT the only one who rolls her eyes and swears under (or over) her breath. You are NOT the only one, who after a yelling fit, thinks ‘wow, I’m not a good enough mom to these kids’.
So in the spirit of us being in this motherhood thing TOGETHER and getting through the ugly moments, I’ve got a series of posts coming to help you. The first – this one – is my story of yelling and mom rage. I have four more coming each Monday for the next four weeks – sign up for my newsletter so you don’t miss one. Up next:
My Game Plan for Being a Nicer, Happier Mom – Read it Here
Actual Ways to Help You Stop Screaming at Your Kids – Read it Here
The Best Resources, Books, Blogs & Podcasts for Moms
Tricks to Use on Your Kids to Help Them Behave Better and Drive You Less Insane