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WOW! I did a little poll on my Instagram stories asking for ideas if your spouses’ love language is Acts of Service and got a ton of awesome ideas – 65, to be exact ;)!
More importantly, I had a breakthrough about the difference between household chores and ‘stuff you should do’ versus expressing love via Acts of Service… the thing that makes them different, even when the actual task (like emptying the dishwasher, for example) is the INTENTION behind it.
Backing it up a bit… if you aren’t familiar with the 5 Love Languages it’s a book that outlines the 5 ways people like to give and receive love. I have *not* read the book but I’m putting it on my list because I have heard it better illustrates the nuances (dialects!) within languages and helps you understand more about the entire concept.
Basically, the 5 Love Languages are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service.
Even without having read the book, Chris and I have both taken the quiz (it’s free! take it here) that identifies our love languages. Mine is Words of Affirmation. His is Acts of Service.
What is Acts of Service?
In the context of love languages, acts of service refer to one of the five ways in which individuals express and perceive love. For those who resonate with this love language, meaningful actions and practical gestures hold the utmost importance. These actions are undertaken to show love, care, and consideration for their partner. Whether it’s helping with chores, preparing a meal, or providing assistance in various tasks, acts of service serve as tangible demonstrations of affection.
Basically, for a person whose love language is Acts of Service, actions literally speak louder than words.
Honestly, it’s oftentimes really difficult to speak someone else’s love language. For me, when I think of acts of service, I think of household chores – most of which I already handle. For me, acts of service sometimes feel like acts of servitude – which isn’t a great feeling for anyone.
I think being fluent in this love language means anticipating ways to make your partner’s life easier and to serve as a teammate in the mundane ‘adulting’ stuff.
I have a tendency to feel resentful when the bulk of household ‘stuff’ falls onto me while I have a partner who feels loved when I handle these things. So it’s honestly a challenge that I’ve struggled with in the past.
But I understand how important it is to love and be loved in your own way so I’m really open to figuring out what kinds of Acts of Service I can do without feeling like a maid… which is why I asked my Instagram gals for ideas!
65 Acts of Service Love Language Ideas:
- Pay a bill before your spouse gets to it.
- Make breakfast in the morning.
- Have their clothes washed, folded and put away.
- Make their favorite treat.
- Iron their favorite work clothes so it’s done and ready when they go to wear it.
- Help with yard work or one of ‘his’ chores.
- Pack their lunch for the day.
- Make their cup of coffee in the morning.
- Wash their car.
- Take on chores that they hate. Scheduling appointments, etc.
- Fill their car with gas.
- Help them with a project they’re working on… could be household or work.
- Take the kids to school/daycare on a day that they’re supposed to.
- Do the dishes/put them away.
- Ask “what can I help you with?”
- Make the bed.
- Match their socks.
- Picking up their favorite snacks from the store.
- Let them do something for them without complaining about it (a night out, a weekend away, a golf session, etc)
- Ask “what can I do to make your day better today?”
- Plan a date.
- Ask if they want a snack or drink while you’re up.
- Get their car detailed.
- Make their favorite meal.
- Mow the lawn or have it mowed.
- Organize their drawers.
- Clean up dinner.
- Leave a little note in their work stuff.
- Buy their toiletries when they’re getting low without them having to ask.
- Get up with the kids and let your spouse sleep in.
- Make a music playlist and share it with them.
- Change the sheets.
- Have lunch delivered to their work.
- Remember to do things when they ask you to do them. Especially if it’s a favor to them. <– editor’s note – I am notoriously bad at this… it’ll get done but maybe not the day I say it will and I never realized how crazy it drives someone who prioritizes Acts of Service
- Complete a house project that’s been on their list for a long time.
- Meal prep something they like… ex: breakfast burritos.
- Complete an errand that they hate.
- Clean up the dog poop/take out the trash/anything that’s ‘their’ chore.
- Make a podcast playlist for them.
- Toss their towel in the dryer while they shower so they have a warm towel to use. <– another editor’s note – I’m SHOCKED at how many people recommended this/do this! So spa-like ?
- Pre-set the coffee pot so it’s always ready when they wake up.
- Grocery shop for the house.
- Make their plate at meals.
- Do something they plan to do before they get to it.
- Get a sitter and plan a surprise date night.
- Bring them breakfast in bed.
- Pick up an area of the house that drives them nuts. For us, it would be the kitchen island.
- Go to one of their sporting events/hobbies to watch (ie softball, golf, whatever).
- Plan meals for the week.
- Help with something without being asked.
- Bring the trashcan in from the curb.
- Schedule their haircut, dentist appointments, etc.
- Clean their shoes with a magic eraser to make them look new again.
- Drop off/Pick up their clothes from the dry cleaner.
- Organize the pantry.
- When they ask for something do it right then or shortly after.
- Help them do something nice for someone they care about.
- Get them a snack when you get one for yourself.
- Start their car before it’s time to leave so it’s warm or cool.
- If you’re out running errands, call or text asking if you can pick anything up for them.
- Handle the logistics of a weekend away/plan a trip.
- Clean out/organize their inbox.
- Add calendar reminders for birthdays, anniversaries, kids’ games, etc.
- Leave a joke or love note in their lunch, travel bag, gym bag, on their banana – wherever!
- And the ultimate… carry his child 😉 – kind of joking kind of not ?
I also just have to add… I’m sure not everyone does all these things every day/week/month. One of the patterns I see here is ‘without them asking/having to ask’ which probably brings a lot more intention and thought into the entire process.
Not all of these will be important or helpful to your spouse, but hopefully, you found a few gems that will really help you show Acts of Service in a way that works for you, your spouse, and your fam!
One more thought on love languages in general… I definitely think a person’s love language preferences change over the years as life changes. For instance, I think my need for Words of Affirmation increased when I left my corporate job to work from home solo and handle more household and parenting duties. Toddlers aren’t really known for their ‘awesome job, mom! you really made my life better today’ compliments after a long day.
Any Acts of Service ideas I didn’t have listed? Leave them in the comments!
PIN THESE ACTS OF SERVICE IDEAS
Mica says
I replied on Instagram but I will here too, because why not?
In our home when one gets up to get something for themselves we ask the other or whoever if they want or need anything while we are up. Acts of service is neither of our love languages, it’s just how we operate. <3 og heart
Rachel says
Great ideas. My husband is also an Acts of Service (I’m physical touch and words of affirmation). My biggest takeaway from this post is just how many things on this list HE already does for me because they’re how he likes to receive love! I’m not sure I would have recognized them all. Made my morning a little sweeter to have an ‘ah-ha’ moment of noticing all the little ways he’s been showing tangible love all along!
Jacinta says
Rachel, that is exactly what I discovered reading the list too. Perhaps I can appreciate my man even more now that my eyes are opening to all the ways he shows love, but I don’t ‘see’ it.
It is so refreshing to hear and see other’s experiences similar to my own- definitely a struggle to do Acts of Service in a time-poor world, so incredibly grateful for a list that shows me it can be done more creatively.
MIchele says
Thank you for this! I needed more ideas and these are great! Some of them I already do anyways, but a lot of these I don’t even think of. Pinning this!
Gerad D Bruce says
These are okay but not really accurate. Don’t do it for them do it with them. Show interest in their interests. If I’m building a house bring a glass of water check if I’m hungry while doing a task for her. Help take off work boots after he was out serving you do be a maid be of service that is the love language.
Nicole says
My boyfriend’s love language is Acts of Service and this blog helped me tremendously. I’ll definitely be using some of the suggestions.
DEE says
Great idea until you got to the baby part as I can’t have a child and it just made me feel like crap.
Jm says
Dont feel like that. I have a sister in law that has never had a sussecful pregnancy and she is one of the best wives I have ever seen. My brother and her want children of there own badly, but it just isn’t happening.
My brother has never stopped being crazy about her. Honestly, he thinks the world of her, and values her no less for something she cant help like that.
I just said a prayer for you. One that if you and your husband are wanting children that God could help make that a possibility, but also that if you never can; that he give you strength and that you not feel any less worth because of it.
Best wishes and just remember to be thankful for all the things on that list you are capable of.
Ashley says
I love this and needed to come across this today! I kept feeling unloved and like I had no emotional support from hubby than to read this his love language is acts of service and he does a lot of what’s on this list for me! I used to view all this stuff as you said stuff that needs to get done chores etc etc. I’ll pick a few I can do today to show to him I’m being thoughtful. I also get the words of affirmation more so needed as I’m on maternity leave after working full time for years it feels strange to me. 💖💖💖 so glad I read this and it’s useful in my day to day and that my hubby stills cares even though our languages are completely different.
Lee says
Thanks! I was feeling” down” , but I do or have done 34 of these! His main LL are words of affirmation and physical touch,but all have all 5 to a degree! Mine is Acts of service and he has done some for me,too! He tells me he loves me , that I am beautiful, and that I am sexy every day!
Joanna says
I’m so glad I found this. When I first read the book, I knew my love language was quality time. As long as I have my love by my side, I’m happy. But when it came to figuring his out, it wasn’t so easy. He definitely expresses love with physical touch, but that isn’t his love language. We talked about it and he gave it some thinking. After that, he said he believes that it was physical touch and I thought a little bit of words of affirmation also. We recently had a deep conversation on a topic that we’ve discussed before and I came to the realization that his love language is likely acts of service, more than any other. Say no more; you need me? I’m there. 💜
Faith says
My love language is acts of service and my boyfriends is words of affirmation and quality time. After reading this I wanted to add that I ~acts of service~ feel the most loved when my boyfriend does something for me/to help me out that’s out of the norm for him. He helps me out everyday with errands, chores etc., but when he goes out of his way to do something for me that I am 100% capable of doing myself. example,, getting up and getting me water if i say i’m thirsty.. (not often, just unexpectedly.. that way i don’t rely and expect him to do it) .. basically when he surprises me by doing something for me that he wouldn’t usually do.. that’s when I feel the most love.
we’ve had a great relationship from the start, before even taking the love language quiz together. he loves quality time so he helps me with everything i do,, and he loves words of affirmation so he gives me surprise acts of service.. which causes me to tell him of how much i love and appreciate him.
i just understand now after taking the tests why we work out so good. we give and receive our love in different ways but due to our Love Languages we are able to do it at the same time!
Kay says
Faith, for some odd reason your comment really struck a nerve with me. My husband’s LL is quality time and words of affirmation. Mine is acts of service & receiving of gifts. It never donned on me that investment in his language builds interest in mine. As I ‘fill his cup’ it overflows into my cup and vice versa.
Serena says
Great tips!!! I love how you said and carry his child! Lol I will be very soon! He goes on so much about babies with me 🙏🏽❤😊
Victoria says
My love language is act of service but I don’t receive it from my partner what can I do?
Tricia Hardy says
I already do 95% of these and still feel like I’m not filling his love tank? The frustration is real.
heather says
If that’s true then it’s probably bc his “love tank” isn’t filled by acts of service. I would say his love language is something else. My husband appreciates everything I do for him. He likes a clean house and supper every night and he knows I do those things bc I love my family but they don’t necessarily fill his tank. He wants quality time and physical touch. I could probably have a messy house and take out for supper every night and as long as I’ve been spending time with him and letting him hold my hand or lay on the couch next to me while watching tv he would be thrilled.
Daisy says
My LL is Acts of Service closely followed by Quality Time and my bfs are the same but reversed. For me, I feel most loved when I know the “Act” my bf is doing is solely for me. I appreciate when he does the dishes and takes care of chores but we both benefit from that. This fall he booked to have my winter tires put on and then took my car in to the shop so I didn’t have to miss work. The only benefit was for me and he sacrificed, that meant the world to me. You could also apply this to fun activities, my bf doesn’t like to dance but I do. So when we go to parties (or even just in the livingroom) and he dances with me, I know he’s only doing it for me and that means the most.
Rebecca says
Wow! That last one! The ultimate is to carry his child?… We have 5 kids, all pretty close. Just had our 5th 3 months ago. I always feel like I can’t, or don’t know how, to serve him. He often tells me thank you for Having his children. With how often this is the only thing he has to say about what I contribute to his life or what he appreciates about me, I think of it like, “Yeah, I get it, I have your babies… What else about me do you care about? What else do you love about me?” (Maybe I just want more of those words of affirmation…) But to think that this is the ultimate service I could do for him… I am wondering if it really means so much to him when he says it, and I begin to think that maybe I am doing ok at serving him. Though I know I need to do 100% better. Hence, why I’m reading this article!